#G333* – Lord Peter MANDELSON’S Perfume Fit For Queens.
‘Mandy Pour Homme is a fruity, playful and charismatic perfume,’ said the former Business Secretary, ‘it is effortlessly seductive, infused with hyacinth, jasmine and cedar with just the delicate hint of duplicity and double dealing.’
Speaking at the launch of his new fragrance, Lord Mandelson said: ‘I like to think that this perfume captures the very essence of New Labour. You are initially hit with a glorious burst of anticipation, hope and excitement, closely followed by the fetid afterwhiff of corruption, deceit and betrayal.’
Mandy is being marketed as ‘a perfume for the modern man about town – in a Cabinet meeting, at the Newsnight studio, on a billionaire’s yacht – a thrusting presence in the corridors of power, jauntily cocking his leg and leaving his scent wherever he goes.’
The fragrance, produced in conjunction with Lord Mandelson’s in-house perfumer Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, is notable for the strong emotional effect it produces upon all those who smell it. Journalists described the scene at the end of the press launch when Lord Mandelson stood, dabbed a little of the perfume upon his silken handkerchief and waved it about, releasing the fragrance into the air.
‘It was amazing,’ said one normally hate-fuelled hack, ‘as soon as we caught a whiff of Mandy we were immediately struck by an uncontrollable feeling of love – it was an emotion so strong that we all felt irresistibly compelled to forgive Peter for all his indiscretions and hold him aloft as the High Prince of purity and innocence. At last I can finally understand how he managed to stay in power for so long.’
Lord Mandelson’s perfume is launched just a few months ahead of the release of Tony Blair’s new fragrance, produced in conjunction with Calvin Klein. Tony Blair’s ‘Self-Obsession’ is believed my many to be so rich, even the faintest whiff of it can induce nausea, headache and vomiting.
‘I really don’t feel that Peter is trying to steal my thunder by releasing his own stench of malignant narcissism before mine,’ said Mr Blair, ‘but enough about him, let’s talk about me.’
“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.” Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821),
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