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Archive for the ‘Murphy’s Law;’ Category

#G097* – IT HELPS IF YOU KNOW!

Posted by Greg Lance - Watkins (Greg_L-W) on 28/04/2009

#G097* – IT HELPS IF YOU KNOW!

Murphys Law and those of similar ilk.
=====================================

Murphys Law:
If anything can go wrong, it will.

Schmidts Law:
If you fiddle with something long enough, it will break.

Fudds First Law of Opposition:
If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.

Coles Law:
Slice cabbage thinly.

Byers Law of Cussedness:
Something will go wrong.

Skinners constant (Flannagans finagling factor):
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you wanted.

Gilbs Laws of Unreliability:
1. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
2. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
3. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable
errors, which by definition are limited.
4. Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable
cost
of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.

Brooks Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Lubarsky’s Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There’s always one more bug.

Shaws Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to
use it.

IBM Pollyanna Principle:
Machines should work; people should think.

Law of the Perversity of nature:
You can not successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

Law of Selective Gravity:
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Jennings Corollary:
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly Proportional to the cost of the carpet. Klipsteins Corollary: The most delicate component will be the one to drop.

Sprinkles Law:
Things always fall at right angles.

Anthony’s Law of The Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.

Paul’s Law:
You can’t fall off the floor.

Johnson’s First Law:
When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most
inconvenient
possible time.

Law of Annoyance:
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you’re certain you’re finished with, you will need it instantly.

Watsons Law:
The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.

Sattingers Law:
It works better if you plug it in.

Lowery’s Law:
If it jams – force it . If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Wyszkowski’s Law:
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

Les Miserables Metalaw:
All laws, whether good, bad or indifferent, must be obeyed to the letter.

Persigs Postulate:
The number of rational hypotheses that can explain any given phenomenon is infinite.

Lilly’s Metalaw:
All laws are simulations of reality.

The Ultimate Principle:
By definition, when you are investigating the unknown you do not know
what you
will find.

Cooper’s Metalaw:
A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes.

Hartley’s First Law:
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you’ve got something.

Jacquin’s Postulate on Democratic Government:
No man’s life, liberty or property are safe while parliament is in session.

Churchill’s Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he
will pick
himself up and continue on.

Haldane’s Law:
The universe is not only queerer than we imagine, it’s queerer than we can imagine.

The Murphy Philosophy:
Smile…tomorrow will be worse.

Murphy’s Constant:
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

Quantization Revision of Murphy’s Law:
Everything goes wrong at once.

O’Tooles Commentary on Murphy’s Law:
Murphy was an optimist.

Scotts First Law:
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.

Scotts Second Law:
When an error has been detected and corrected,
it will be found to have been correct in the first place.

Finagle’s First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Finagles Second Law:
No matter what the anticipated result, there will always be someone eager to
(a) misinterpret it,
(b) fake it, or
(c) believe it happened to his own pet theory.

First Law of Politics :
If you open a can of worms, the only way to deal with them is to use a larger can.

Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics:
Things get worse under pressure.

Stockmayer’s Theorem:
If it looks easy, it’s tough. If it looks tough, it’s darn near impossible.

Etorre’s Observation:
The other line moves faster.

Osborne’s Law:
Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

Klipstein’s Law of Specification:
In specifications, Murphy’s Law supercedes Ohm’s.

Horner’s Five-Thumb Postulate:
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Cahn’s Axiom:
If all else fails, read the instructions.

Jenkinson’s Law:
It won’t work.

Young’s Law:
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Corollary: The greater the funding, the longer it takes the mistake.

Hoare’s Law of Large Problems:
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

The Peter Principle:
In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to their level of incompetence.
Corollaries:
1. In time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is
incompentent
to carry out his duties.
2. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached
their level
of incompetence.

Peter’s Rule For Creative Incompetence:
Create the impression that you have already reached your level of
incompetence.

Truman’s Law:
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

Wikers Law:
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time,
and the
last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Canada Bill Jones’s Motto:
It’s morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Captain Penny’s Law:
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people
all of
the time, but you can’t fool MUM.

Wilson’s Observation On Drivers:
There are two kinds of drivers: the impatient ones and the darned dawdlers!
Supplement: beware of drivers wearing hats or whose ears you can see. One can not successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

To view the original list CLICK HERE

“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821),

Regards,
Greg
Greg L-W.
Greg Lance – Watkins,
c/o Glance Back Books,
Cynulliad i Gymru – The Welsh Assembly [trans.],
17 Upper Church Street,
CHEPSTOW,
NP16 5EX
Monmouthshire,
Britain.

Tel: 01291 – 62 65 62

For More Information & Facts visit:
WEB SITES:
SilentMajority/
MrChad
WelshAssembly
CatterpillarsAndButterflies
UKFirstParty
Greg’s WordPress Blog

‘The arrogance and hubris of corrupt politicians
will be responsible for every drop of blood spilt
in the Wars of Disassociation, if Britain does not
leave the EU.

The ugly, centralised, undemocratic supra national policies being imposed by the centralised and largely unelected decisionmakers of The EU for alien aims, ailien values and to suit alien needs stand every possibility of creating 200,000,000 deaths across EUrope as a result of the blind arogance and hubris of the idiologues in the central dictatorship and their economic illiteracy marching hand in glove with the idiocy of The CAP & The CFP – both policies which deliver bills, destroy lives and denude food stocks.

British Politicians with pens and treachery, in pursuit
of their own agenda and greed, have done more
damage to the liberty, freedoms, rights and democracy
of the British peoples than any army in over 1,000 years.

The disastrous effects of British politicians selling Britain
into the thrall of foreign rule by the EU for their own
personal rewards has damaged the well-being of Britain
more than the armies of Hitler
and the Franco – German – Italian axis of 1939 – 1945.

~ for more Quotes & Facts:
http://www.silentmajority.co.uk/

############-\\\///-########### #
############= ~ = ############
###########(`~0~0~’) ###########
——–oooO——–(_)——-Oooo———
############Regards############
##########M r C H A D###########

Until we gain our liberty, restore our sovereignty, repatriate our democracy and reinstate our Justice system and our borders – defended by our Police and Military armed with sustainable and obtainable weaponry:
Treat every election as a referendum.

Don’t waste your vote on a self serving Politician
Make your vote count
Write on YOUR ballot Paper

LEAVE THE EU

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