A More Compliant & inclusive Navy:
The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
The next five ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £850 million each + 20% EU tax in the form of vat amounting to a further £170 million, they meet the …needs of the 21st century and comply with the very latest ideas from The EU on employment, equality, health & safety and human rights laws.
The new user-friendly crow’s nest comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs. a day and each ship will have its on-board industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability. Sailors will only be allowed to work a maximum of 37hrs. per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules, even in war zones, to maximise employment and provide a less stressful environment more akin to the standards of any ‘cruise’ offered in the private sector!
All the vessels will come equipped with a beauty salon, nail bar and uni sex hair consultants adjoining the relationship councelling and IVF facilities, maternity ward and nursery, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
The age of consent on board will be aligned with that of The Vatican where to give everyone maximum opportunities 12 has been deemed appropriate religious guidance!
Naval recruitment will be the responsibility of Spain operating from the shore ship HMS High Camp they will also provide all wardroom staff.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be freely available with benefits cheques in the wardroom and messes.
The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for: “Rum, sodomy and the lash”
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is deemed elitist and is to be replaced by the more informal, “Hello Sailor”.
All information on notices boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille.
Crew members will now no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches – this applies equally to women and cross gender crew members.
The MoD is working on a new “non-specific” flag because the White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities. The Union Flag had already been discarded.
The newly re-named HMS Cautious is due to be commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull.
Her first deployment will be to escort boat loads of unwanted immigrants from continental venues across the channel to ports on England’s south coast and ensure Britain’s few remaining fishing vessels are checked for compliance with EU regulations not less than 4 times a day thus ensuring the size of catches is very limited..
The Prime Minister said, “While these ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking, they are also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation coming out of Brussels, as most of the technology will be supplied by France, the fitting out by Germany, rules of engagement by Italy & senior officers will come from EU maritime nations like Lichtenstein, Austria, Andorra and The Czech Republic!”
His final words of betrayal were, “Britannia waives the rules!”
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
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British Politicians with pens and treachery, in pursuit of their own agenda and greed, have done more damage to the liberty, freedoms, rights and democracy of the British peoples than any army in over 1,000 years.
The disastrous effects of British politicians selling Britain into the thrall of foreign rule by the EU for their own personal rewards has damaged the well-being of Britain more than the armies of Hitler and the Franco – German – Italian axis of 1939 – 1945.